Most people know that conflict is a normal part of life. We need it to learn how to deal with disagreements and grow as people. However, some people use unconscious strategies called control dramas to get what they want from other people. A control drama is when someone uses manipulation to get attention or energy from others in a harmful way. This often causes imbalance and drama in our interpersonal relationships.
So how do we gain positive attention? We can do positive things like being kind, encouraging, and uplifting. This is why we are here on this platform. To remind ourselves to give more than we take and to receive love from others. Give more than you take and a crazy thing happens… you get way more out of it!
Watch this quick video for some feel good tips to stop being controlling in a relationship.
How To Stop Being So Controlling In A Relationship
Let's talk about control, control dramas and how to stop being controlling in a relationship. Now, most people have come to accept that conflict is an inevitable part of life. On the one hand we need some type of conflict to learn how to deal with conflict and really to grow and mature. And most agree that we need change and pressure to grow. We don't really like it but we like the results, right? So, how can we learn to deal with conflict in a more productive way?
How To Stop Being Controlling In Relationships & How You Are Doing It Wrong
First let's talk about the dysfunctional side of dealing with conflict and control. Sometimes we may try to get our way with others in a really immature, unhealthy way by making them pay attention to us, and then elicit a certain reaction from them to make ourselves feel fulfilled. In this case, positive feelings we gain are won at the expense of the other person, and this often causes imbalance and drama in our interpersonal relationships.
This weird human thing we do to cope with conflict uses unconscious strategies called control dramas to gain power or energy from another person, and to essentially, “get our way with others.” A control drama is played by anyone who is feeling low on power or energy, to manipulate and get energy from others. This is never a good thing because it creates drama and disharmony in our relationships, at work, and in our families. And, quite frankly, it's just downright icky.
Types Of Controllers In Relationships. Is One Of These You?
So how do you know if you're caught up in a control drama? There are four main types of control dramas: the Intimidator, the Interrogator, the Aloof and the Poor Me.
The Intimidator: This person uses intimidation to control others and get what they want. They may use yelling, threats, or even violence to make others do what they want.
The Interrogator: This person tries to control others by asking a lot of questions and putting them on the spot. They want to know everything about you and they want you to justify yourself.
The Aloof: This person acts like they're better than everyone else and they don't need anyone. They may be extremely independent or seem uninterested in others.
The Poor Me: This person tries to control others by making themselves look helpless or victimized. They may play the martyr or the victim and try to make others feel guilty.
If you find yourself using any of these strategies to control others, it's time to take a step back and reassess your situation. Control dramas are never going to lead to a healthy, productive outcome for anyone involved. So how can you stop being controlling in relationships?
First Steps To Stop Being So Controlling In Relationships
The first step is to become aware of your own control dramas. Start paying attention to the way you interact with others and see if you can identify which type of control drama you tend to use. Once you've identified your own control dramas, you can start to work on changing the way you interact with others.
If you're used to being the Intimidator, start by learning how to communicate in a more assertive way. This doesn't mean you have to be aggressive, but it does mean learning how to express yourself in a clear and direct way.
If you're used to being the Interrogator, start by learning how to listen more and ask fewer questions. Instead of trying to control the conversation, let it flow and see where it takes you.
If you're used to being the Aloof, start by learning how to be more present in your interactions with others. This means making eye contact, listening openly, and being interested in what the other person has to say.
If you're used to being the Poor Me, start by taking responsibility for your own life and choices. This means stop playing the victim and start taking control of your own life.
Making these changes will be a process, but it's important to remember that you can't change overnight. Be patient with yourself and keep working on it. With time and practice, you'll start to see a difference in the way you interact with others. And who knows, you might even find that your relationships are more fulfilling as a result.
How To Stop Being Controlling & Get Positive Attention
So how do we gain positive attention? Because we all want attention, in reality we all need attention just as a human. When we feel invisible we feel lonely and we get sad. To gain positive attention, do positive things. Be kind, encourage, uplift. These are things that make our stay on this planet more enjoyable for ourselves and others.
One way to look at conflict is to see it as an opportunity for growth. If we can learn to handle conflict in a more positive way, we can actually use it to improve our relationships.
8 Tips On How To Stop Being Controlling In A Relationship
Here are some tips on how to stop being controlling in relationships regardless of the “type” of controller you are:
1) Try to see conflict as an opportunity for growth. If you can view it in a positive light, it will be easier to handle.
2) Try to understand where the other person is coming from. It can be helpful to put yourself in their shoes and try to see things from their perspective.
3) Try to communicate openly and honestly. It can be difficult to do this, but it's important to try.
4) Try to be assertive. This doesn't mean that you have to be aggressive, but it's important to be able to express yourself and stand up for what you believe in.
5) Try to listen more than you speak. This can be difficult, but it's important to try to really hear what the other person is saying.
6) Try to compromise. This doesn't mean that you have to give in all the time, but it's important to be willing to meet in the middle.
7) Try to avoid making assumptions. It can be easy to jump to conclusions, but it's important to remember that everyone is different and there may be more to the story than you know.
8) Try to stay calm. It can be difficult to do this, but it's important to try to keep your emotions in check. When we keep our emotions calm, we're more likely to make rational decisions and so can all involved.
All of these tips require effort and practice, but if you're willing to put in the work, you can stop being a controlling person in relationships. Just remember to be patient with yourself and others, and to keep communication open. With time and effort, you can have healthier, happier relationships as a result.
Learning how to stop being controlling in relationships can be difficult, but it's important to remember that we all have a need for attention. If we can learn to handle conflict in a more positive way, we can actually use it to improve our relationships. By following these tips, you can start to learn how to stop being controlling in your relationships and start to build healthier, more balanced relationships.
Self-Love Affirmations To Stop Being Controlling In A Relationship
One more thing. I want to leave you with a few self-love affirmations to help you gain more emotional freedom so that being controlling in relationships is no longer an issue:
If you're struggling with how to stop being patient with yourself and others, and controlling in relationships, I hope these tips were helpful for you. Remember to be easy on yourself as you grow!
Emotional Release Therapy If You Can't Stop Being Controlling In Relationships
If you find that you are having a hard time experiencing enough emotional release and still feel stress around needing to control, consider finding a practitioner of emotional release therapy to help you through some of the stickier parts you just can't seem to navigate. This can be faster than trying to do it all on your own because they will help you to see what is really going on and how to release it in a way that feels good for you.
Some tips for choosing the right emotional release therapist for you are:
1. Choose someone you feel comfortable with and safe with.
2. Choose someone who has experience helping people with similar issues to what you are dealing with.
3. Choose someone who uses a modality that you feel drawn to or curious about.
4. Ask around and get recommendations from people you trust.
5. Check reviews and make sure other people have had good experiences with this person.
You Deserve To Stop Being Controlling & Have True Emotional Release
You deserve to live a life that feels good to you and that doesn't revolve around needing to control everything and everyone in order to feel okay. You can do this!
Just a reminder to give each other some love and then hold up a mirror and receive that for yourself. Give more than you take and a crazy thing happens… you get way more out of it!
I wish for you peace, calm & safety. You deserve to KNOW you are safe, because when you know you are absolutely safe & loved, there's no need or desire for control. We only feel that need for control, when we don't feel safe. So create more ways to feel safe in your own life, and learn how to genuinely love yourself. Until next time, be well!
Emotional Release Therapy In Las Vegas
With Heather Kim Rodriguez, PhD
Heather Kim Rodriguez, PhD, has 14-years of experience coaching since 2008 with Emotional Release Therapy in Las Vegas, to help clients stay mentally, emotionally and spiritually balanced and feeling good as well as helping to heal emotional trauma with a unique combination of Craniosacral Therapy, Life Coaching, Guidance, Reiki and Energy Work.
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